Lines and shadows

Do you see your world in black, white and grey? The good, the bad and the necessary ugly? And you close out the bad, avoid the ugly and try to focus on the good, but get defeated by the very act of doing so, the conscious focus on avoiding and erasing that which you do not wish to see only brings it front and center.

So one should be doing it unconsciously, or practice it long enough that it becomes part of your unconscious make up. The make up where you seek perfection, or should I say excellence, perfection is a mirage – a goal which is always shifting, never to be reached. But excellence can be attained and implies a continuous growth.

And perfection breeds an unbecoming arrogance whereas excellence can bring in humility, and further me along the path to bigger goals.

I am seeking to understand my current role and perform it to the best of my ability, trying to avoid focusing on the past or worry about the future. This doesn’t imply that the past was unimportant, or the future is of no concern, but if I take care of now, everything else will take care of itself.

Right now, I feel like I am in a box, hemmed in by lines I have drawn, lines I can’t cross, looking for the right choice. If the lines are mine, erasing them should also be my prerogative – as long as I can live with the consequences. This inactivity for fear of doing wrong is definitely not right, and though conscious wrongs are to be avoided, stagnation is to be avoided as well.

And so it goes, I learn from patterns past, and try to avoid repetition, but too much focus on the rear view mirror is a pattern of the past as well – and that too, must be broken.

And all new choices are just the same old choices in new clothes, it’s always about right and wrong.

What’s good, what’s bad and what’s plain ugly.

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