The voice in my head


Life / Saturday, February 21st, 2009

‘Hi’

Hey, haven’t seen you in a while..’

‘Yup, I know, you’ve been busy so I’ve been away. But looks like you finally have some time’

Ah, well. You know how it is, the business of living takes so much of the life out – I’ve been meaning to catch up with you for some while now, but I just never found the time, and then you keep putting it off. It’s like the Oscar winner, that’s always at no 3 or 4 in your DVD rental list – never making it home.

Yup, I know what you mean, we’ve all been there. But I’m glad we’re catching up, even if it’s been too long.

Yeah, I’d forgotten how great it used to be with you, I guess that’s one reason why it’s been so long – and that’s a vicious cycle.

Don’t worry about it. How have you been? I see you are moving in the right direction.

Well, I hope it’s the right direction, it was just getting too tough. I just wanted to walk away from it all, walk away from everyone. Everything. Just be myself, alone. And far away. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I couldn’t even shrug. And the more you take, the more you get. And all the time, I was trying to do what’s right. And be true. To myself and others. And the line blurred somewhere, and it all got mixed up. It’s not meant to be this hard is it?

Well, I could say it’s only as hard as you make it out to be, but you don’t want to hear that. I could say that it’s actually very easy, but again – that’s not what you want to hear. I could tell you the answers, but they would just be my answers, your questions and your answers are your’s to find. And they will come to you. They are all around you, but you need to look in the right places. The answer is not the name on your visiting card, or the cash in your wallet. It’s not the friends you have, or the cool people you know. Not in your closet, or your living room. The car you drive, the mobile you use, the beer you drink or the wine you buy to showcase your refinement are not it either. It’s not the school you attended, or the philosophy you preach. The women you sleep with, or the God you follow. It’s all this and not. It’s the beginning. And the ending. And everything in between just comes from it. But you already know all this, don’t you.

Well, it’s all true and not. There is this, and there is more. But the answers in my head need to translate to the life I lead, right? The choice I make, and the outcomes that follow – should be showing me something.

They do, but don’t throw out the good with the bad. It’s true that you make choices, and you need to be aware of the choices, and the consequences – but the choices can be right, sometimes the consequences are beyond our control. You do your best, and then you still don’t get the result you wanted – what you learn from that, is not that the choice is wrong, or that you shouldn’t have made the choice but that there’s more. There’s more you could have done, and even then. Don’t worry about the results. You’ve been down the other road, and you know that road is not yours. Does it really matter that you see so many people on that road?

It does, it feels like I’m lost in limbo. Waiting. Where’s the here and now?

Stop thinking, and start doing. Make a few more mistakes. Don’t shut yourself up in an ivory tower, solving everyone’s problems in your head – take some action with your own. And you can’t make everyone happy. Don’t be afraid to make yourself happy. Go out there, and free yourself, and your mind.

Yup, I should, it’s been great, catch you soon?

You know where to reach me, have fun. Smile a lot more 🙂

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