I miss my old self. I used to be very simple, straightforward person and my relations too were simple and straightforward. There were people I liked, and people I admired and I didn’t waste too much time worrying about what others thought of me and what my image was.
Since my last couple of reviews were I was told that my work is good but my management of perceptions needs to improve, I have spent some time thinking about it,and also acting on it. But it leaves me unhappy.
What really matters is whether I do my work and how well I do my work. Managing image perceptions means that you spend less time working. But in my conversations with other batchmates – it seems that I am not the only one getting this feedback.
Getting back to the starting line, I am now more complicated and involved with people, thoughts, places and tasks which are not even close to the goals of simple old me. I used to be happy playing football, I used to be happy just saying hi to you across the mess, I used to be happy because my group gave kick ass case solutions which others hadn’t thought of, I used to be happy with very simple things. The grades didn’t matter and the jobs others got didn’t matter.
Now, 10% increments every six months are not enough, I am comparing my pay to those of my batchmates. The fact that I enjoy my work is not enough, I think I should be doing more. The fact that I am reading some really beautiful books is not enough, I think I am not reading enough. I haven’t played some football in a long time, I am busy trying to make money and getting the corner office. And what will I think of the days and years which I spend pursuing something which is not close to my heart’s desire.
I really miss you.