I am still searching for clarity in many matters, mainly in my head. Confusion has clouded my perspective. I am not sure about what I want. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not. Fundamentally I am, but somehow the vision I have is not in agreement with the strategy, and the tactics seems to be at counterpoint to the strategy. Simple things in the long term are seriously complicated in the short term. They say that you should live your life in such a manner that if you died tomorrow, you would have no regrets. That is difficult, but it is still the easy way out. ‘cos once you are dead you might have some regrets – in the afterlife. But the people who live after you, their regrets and their remorse would be greater. To get a perspective, think of someone whom you hold very close to your heart. And morbid though it sounds, think that he/she died today. Would you miss the person? Of course I would… but missing the person would be nothing compared to the grief and regret I would feel… for a life without that one person………of the times we had together and how little or how much we made of it. And how much more we could have made of it. Let me just close my eyes for a moment and think. Is the promotion so important now? Or that soccer match I desperately wanted to catch? Do I still think it is important to stay at work till late, so that people know I am working? Is it important that I work the best years of your life at a job, with more money and wealth and status as my goal? To reach a certain designation – for that corner office? For the admiration and adulation of my peers? To look cool at alumni reunions?
Wouldn’t I rather spend more time with family or parents or spouse or love or the many nice people who make an appearance in my life. They twinkle like stars for a little while and then disappear because I was to pre-occupied with the pursuits of this life here that I failed to appreciate the brightness every little star can bring? And how darkness holds no fear when the night sky is brilliantly lit.
What gives meaning to our life here? There are many things, many dimensions actually that can add meaning to my life here. Excellence. Emotion. Love. Relationships.
Excellence because I need to appreciate and know quality when I see it. And admiration for a quality has the natural corollary of aspiration for the same. And I can’t get a quality life without knowing what quality is, appreciating it and seeking it.
Emotion because you need to feel to know you are alive, as your nerves relay important physical sensations to your brain and help you function in the physical universe emotions relay mental and psychological sensations about your mental and/or spiritual universe and help you gauge your position in this universe. There are times when I am flooded by so much emotion that I feel I could just cry.I get rushes,my hair stands on end, goose bumps appear and my mind seems to be afloat in a translucent sunlit cloud. Which brings us to
Love, because it is the pinnacle of human emotion. The sheer depth and breadth of this one word cannot be expressed through the printed word. It can take the general form of love for all life, all mankind, all the people you care for or that one person you cannot live without. The depth of it varies with the breadth of it. However, each and every form of it adds to your life.
Relationships because they form the network that supports me. It might be one room mate, it might be all my batchmates or it might be every one I know. The quantity is not important, some might get by with only one meaningful friend/mentor/guide whereas others with more gregarious souls might feel the need for many people in their life. The importance is the same and the function is the same. Relations and friends help you give and as you give you receive and the eternal cycle goes.
I am thankful for the what I have received so far. Thank you for giving it to me, because you have contributed in one or more of the above in my life, you are important to me and you will always be.
ps: I am not sure how this sounds but got to thinking on the flight back – and started writing…